I dreamt of my father last night

 I was in a room and in the corner there was a body all tangled up.   I could tell it was him though so I went up to him and very gently kissed him and told him it was ok to let go and go to the other side.   A couple of weeks ago I dreamt of a friend that had passed also but in this dream he was crying.   I didn't approach him like I did my father.   I was probably scared.

Maybe my father being tangled up in a dream was just my brain trying to look at something it was not used to.   I just remember kissing him gently and letting him know I loved him.   Something I stopped doing when I got older and I know it was something he needed so much.   My father was a romantic, artistic and gentle Cancer.   Sometimes he would get drunk when I was a kid and cry about how we didn't care about him anymore.   Family was really important to him but he didn't know how to be loving to us as adults.  We also didn't know how to be loving so we were all at a standstill.    I used to be so affectionate to him when I was a kid and I know he missed that but my mother hardened me and when I needed for him to be there he wasn't.    I did love my father immensely in the best way I knew how.    I have a lot of regrets that I'm working through on my own.    The last time I saw him alive he was being helped into a car so he can get to a ER.   I remember lunging into the car not caring if he gave me his Covid.   I hugged him so hard.   He looked at me and his last words were "Eu sei."  - I know.   

I hope that was conveyed to him last night.   That I loved him, that he was a good father and good provider and protector.   I just don't want him lingering around us with regrets, I want him to off into the light and be at peace and happy.  We will meet again.